Dearest Little,
Most of the time I write my letters to you. This one is still for you, but I want to write it for others, too.
I've been thinking a lot lately about sharing why Brent and I have decided to adopt. How, and why, and when a couple chooses to build their family is a very personal decision and everyone makes different choices for different reasons. Adoption is not for everyone. But it is for us.
I've shared on here before about my life-long desires to be a mother and have mentioned briefly about our struggle with infertility, but I don't want anyone to think that adoption was just a 'default' choice for us when we weren't able to get pregnant. There is more to it than that and Brent and I spent a lot of time talking about it, reading about it, praying about it before we knew that adoption was the decision that was right for us. If we didn't feel it was right for us with all of our hearts (as we do), then we wouldn't be moving forward with it. Adoption is not an 'easy' way to parenthood.
There were some things that made me feel a bit nervous about adoption at first . . . from the moment that Brent and I started seriously considering it as an option for us, negative information seemed to just pop up all around us. A search for adoption on the internet brought up search results for websites and forums targeted at discouraging birth moms from placing their children, promising that they would regret their decisions, that adoptive parents were greedy and didn't deserve someone else's child, etc. Those websites scared me a bit. It hurt to think that someone would ever think me greedy or undeserving of my child when the desire to be a mother is such a tender feeling in my heart and my only motivations are out of love. And then I swear that EVERY show on TV that I watched had a scene in which someone felt lost and unloved and abandoned because they were adopted and again, it hurt me to imagine any child of mine having to suffer through feelings like that. How could I handle seeing my sweet babies live through pain like that?
All of this negativity felt so crushing and discouraging. And then there came a point that Brent and I realized that those feelings weren't right. That's not how adoption was and would be for us and we needed to ignore the negativity. I began to see how adoption really is a part of Heavenly Father's plan and is a beautiful thing, a gift for everyone one involved. And yes, there are things about adoption that are difficult . . . it is never easy for a birth mother to place her sweet baby, who she loves with all of her heart in someone else's arms. It's not easy for adoptive parents to go through failed adoptions and scams (yes, scams). And it's not easy for a child to really understand at first the reasons why his birth mother placed him. But that is not the end-all of adoption. There is hope, and joy, and a whole lot of love.
When I began to understand adoption this way, my heart rested and felt at peace. Answers to all of my questions emerged and it was clear to me how my Heavenly Father was aware of not only the desires of my heart, but also my baby's and our birth mother's. He had a plan for healing the heartache of our birth mom, and for letting our child know that love was what had brought her into our family. And He has always been by us, giving us strength to withstand the pains of infertility, so why would He leave us now? He had a plan to help us find our baby and if that plan led us through failed adoptions, scams, or whatever - If my heart had to break a million times we would make it and we would be okay because He was by our side. I could be confident in adoption because I could be confident in my Savior.
Then we started to get REALLY excited about adopting (and we still are). For some couples who struggle with infertility, having a biological child is a really important thing to them - they explore every route that they possibly can to conceive on their own . . . and that is perfectly fine for them. Like I said, it is a very personal decision how and when and why a couple decides to build their family. And I don't think that wanting to have biological children is wrong. I'm not downing that. I just want to make the point that for us it is different. While having a child biologically would still be an amazing experience and we would welcome if the opportunity came, it is not as important to us as being parents is. We just want to be a family. To be together and love each other, no matter how that happens. Our baby will be our baby no matter her entrance into the world. And the lovely part of it is, that with adoption we will (hopefully) have the additional blessing of having a sweet birth mother as part of our lives. Someone else for us to love and to love our baby. And that is a beautiful thought to me.
Adoption has become to me a sacred process of love and I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father has brought us to a point where we will be able to be a part of that event.
You Will Know
Dear Little One,
I used to cry almost every day from the deep sadness and emptiness I felt without you. These past few months, as your daddy and I have started the adoption process, I cry almost every day from the joy I feel knowing you will come and from the gratitude that I have for being able to participate the sacred process of adoption. It truly has become such a beautiful and sacred thing to me. My hope for you is that some day you will understand how much love and sacrifice went into bringing you into our family. I believe that there is no greater love than a birth mother has as she makes the brave decision to give you more than she has. I promise that I will raise you to know that. You will know how much so many people love you and how special your entrance into the world was.
Love you, baby.
Momma
I used to cry almost every day from the deep sadness and emptiness I felt without you. These past few months, as your daddy and I have started the adoption process, I cry almost every day from the joy I feel knowing you will come and from the gratitude that I have for being able to participate the sacred process of adoption. It truly has become such a beautiful and sacred thing to me. My hope for you is that some day you will understand how much love and sacrifice went into bringing you into our family. I believe that there is no greater love than a birth mother has as she makes the brave decision to give you more than she has. I promise that I will raise you to know that. You will know how much so many people love you and how special your entrance into the world was.
Love you, baby.
Momma
What I Want for You
Dear Little One,
I started reading the Biography of President Thomas S. Monson and came across this poem that his dad wrote when he was born. I'm the farthest thing from a poet and could never write a poem like this, but it still captures my thoughts, feelings, and desires for you.
Dear Baby with your wee pink toes,
And your wee little mouth
Like the bud of a rose;
May this new world to your wondering mind,
Unfold its treasures good and kind.
Intelligence, wisdom, happiness, too,
Are the riches that I wish for you.
One of my favorite scriptures is from the New Testament in Luke 2:52 where we learn a tiny bit about the Savior's early childhood. It says, "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man." That's all that we learn about Him growing up, but that verse captures so much of what I want for you too. I hope that when you come to earth, that you will spend your life growing mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. Your mom and I will do everything we can to create a home where you and your brothers and sisters can grow in those ways. We want you to be smart, healthy and strong, have a close relationship with God, and make lots of friends and love your neighbor as yourself.
We want you to have the best life. And we will do all we can to give that to you, especially the things that will provide you with real lasting happiness.
With all our hearts,
Love,
Dad
I started reading the Biography of President Thomas S. Monson and came across this poem that his dad wrote when he was born. I'm the farthest thing from a poet and could never write a poem like this, but it still captures my thoughts, feelings, and desires for you.
Dear Baby with your wee pink toes,
And your wee little mouth
Like the bud of a rose;
May this new world to your wondering mind,
Unfold its treasures good and kind.
Intelligence, wisdom, happiness, too,
Are the riches that I wish for you.
One of my favorite scriptures is from the New Testament in Luke 2:52 where we learn a tiny bit about the Savior's early childhood. It says, "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man." That's all that we learn about Him growing up, but that verse captures so much of what I want for you too. I hope that when you come to earth, that you will spend your life growing mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. Your mom and I will do everything we can to create a home where you and your brothers and sisters can grow in those ways. We want you to be smart, healthy and strong, have a close relationship with God, and make lots of friends and love your neighbor as yourself.
We want you to have the best life. And we will do all we can to give that to you, especially the things that will provide you with real lasting happiness.
With all our hearts,
Love,
Dad
Thankful for YOU
Dear Little One,
Its been a busy last couple of weeks and I feel so bad that I haven't had time to write. But there hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about you . . . a lot. I doubt there's even an hour that goes by without me thinking about you. You are just a part of me.
This last week was Thanksgiving and we had a great time with lots of extended family. We all got together at your great grandma's house (on your daddy's side) and feasted and talked and just enjoyed each other's company. And I couldn't help but think about all of the things I've been blessed with and am grateful for and at the very top of that list was you and your daddy. I'm grateful that the possibility of you in our lives has given us hope. Infertility is a very hard place to be . . . it can be discouraging and heart-wrenching, confusing and lonely and you are the light that has brought us out of that. You've already done so much good and you aren't even born yet.
And how incredibly grateful I am to your birth momma. What a noble and brave woman she is and I can only pray that you will understand her as that, to know what an amazing person she is, to love her and appreciate her as your daddy and I do.
Your daddy and I also celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary . . . we went to a bed and breakfast in a little historical town not to far from here and it was really nice to get away for a day and spend some time together. But as much as I love the alone time we get to have on a regular basis, I have to say that I'd much rather that you were here with us and I'm crossing my fingers that our next anniversary will be harder for us to get away because you've found your way into our lives.
Love you, sweet one.
Come home soon.
Mommy
Its been a busy last couple of weeks and I feel so bad that I haven't had time to write. But there hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about you . . . a lot. I doubt there's even an hour that goes by without me thinking about you. You are just a part of me.
This last week was Thanksgiving and we had a great time with lots of extended family. We all got together at your great grandma's house (on your daddy's side) and feasted and talked and just enjoyed each other's company. And I couldn't help but think about all of the things I've been blessed with and am grateful for and at the very top of that list was you and your daddy. I'm grateful that the possibility of you in our lives has given us hope. Infertility is a very hard place to be . . . it can be discouraging and heart-wrenching, confusing and lonely and you are the light that has brought us out of that. You've already done so much good and you aren't even born yet.
And how incredibly grateful I am to your birth momma. What a noble and brave woman she is and I can only pray that you will understand her as that, to know what an amazing person she is, to love her and appreciate her as your daddy and I do.
Your daddy and I also celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary . . . we went to a bed and breakfast in a little historical town not to far from here and it was really nice to get away for a day and spend some time together. But as much as I love the alone time we get to have on a regular basis, I have to say that I'd much rather that you were here with us and I'm crossing my fingers that our next anniversary will be harder for us to get away because you've found your way into our lives.
Love you, sweet one.
Come home soon.
Mommy
Up All Night
Dear Little One,
Sometimes I lie awake at night just thinking about you. That's especially how it's been for the last two nights. I just can't fall asleep because I'm so excited for you to get here! Ironically I can't sleep with you not here, and I'm probably not going to be able to sleep once we do get to have you here. But that's ok. I can't sleep right now out of excitement. And once you're here in our arms, I won't sleep out of love. I will always be there for you whenever you need me -- even in the middle of the night. I'll happily wake up to give you your bottle and rock you back to sleep at night. I look forward to those precious moments and just watching you sleep. I can sense that you are getting close; I can feel it. And it feels so good.
I love you,
Dad
Sometimes I lie awake at night just thinking about you. That's especially how it's been for the last two nights. I just can't fall asleep because I'm so excited for you to get here! Ironically I can't sleep with you not here, and I'm probably not going to be able to sleep once we do get to have you here. But that's ok. I can't sleep right now out of excitement. And once you're here in our arms, I won't sleep out of love. I will always be there for you whenever you need me -- even in the middle of the night. I'll happily wake up to give you your bottle and rock you back to sleep at night. I look forward to those precious moments and just watching you sleep. I can sense that you are getting close; I can feel it. And it feels so good.
I love you,
Dad
Closer
Dear Little One,
Today is the first day of a new month . . . a new month is always exciting to me because even though I have no idea how long it will be until you are here with us, it is one month closer. One month less of waiting to hear your cry and be the one to soothe you, to be up late with you at night . . . and every few hours from then until morning, til I can snuggle with you and smell your sweet baby-ness, at spend hours staring in wonder at how small and perfect you are. Yes, I'm pretty smitten with you already, Little One. And you're one month closer.
I hope and pray that you will know how much your are loved, because it is infinite in range and impossible for me to express.
Love you,
Momma
Today is the first day of a new month . . . a new month is always exciting to me because even though I have no idea how long it will be until you are here with us, it is one month closer. One month less of waiting to hear your cry and be the one to soothe you, to be up late with you at night . . . and every few hours from then until morning, til I can snuggle with you and smell your sweet baby-ness, at spend hours staring in wonder at how small and perfect you are. Yes, I'm pretty smitten with you already, Little One. And you're one month closer.
I hope and pray that you will know how much your are loved, because it is infinite in range and impossible for me to express.
Love you,
Momma
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